


This Story is About Me, Not Them

by Stacysmash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Double Date, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Together, Humor, Inappropriate Behavior, M/M, Oikawa was made to suffer, Pre-Relationship, Public Display of Affection, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Shenanigans, with love - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-31 23:38:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20248540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stacysmash/pseuds/Stacysmash
Summary: When a girl Oikawa is pursuing will only date him if he brings along another couple, he turns to the only friends he has available at the time. Kuroo and Sawamura surprisingly agree, even though they're just friends and not actually dating each other, deciding to pretend they're together just for the one evening. Oikawa is thrilled that everything's finally working out, not realizing what a horrible mistake he's made...





	This Story is About Me, Not Them

Oikawa folded his hands on the table, his shoulders straight to maintain a sense of pride, no matter what kind of favor he was asking. “I know this is short notice, I understand. But it’s not as if it’s a big deal, right? It would just be for tonight and I’ve already been to the restaurant. It’s excellent! Don’t think of this as an inconvenience. If anything, it would be just a regular weekend for you, right? You just have to do everything I ask, piece of cake.”

At the sound of a scoff, Oikawa sighed and prepared himself for an irritating response. He really wished there was another way, but Iwaizumi was busy and Matsukawa and Hanamaki lived too far away. There was no other choice.

“You have a very interesting way of asking me for a favor, Oikawa,” Kuroo replied with a smirk. He leaned back in his seat and began drumming his fingers against the table. “You turn it around to sound like you’d be the one doing a favor to me, and I don’t quite see it that way.”

“What do you want me to do, kneel down on the floor and bow my head?”

Kuroo’s smirk widened. “As much as I’d enjoy that, all I want is for you to ask me nicely. Maybe a _please Kuroo will you help me woo a girl because I’ve lost all my charm and keep striking out_?” he said in a mock-Oikawa voice.

“I don’t sound like that and I haven’t lost my charm. And I’m not striking out!”

“I’m sorry, did I mishear your entire predicament?”

Oikawa growled and rubbed his forehead. “Kanai-chan just wants to go on a double date first before she decides if she wants to go out with me for real. It’s not that hard. Now, will you do it or not?”

Kuroo hummed, taking as much time as he could before giving him an answer. “You know what? I will.”

“Really?” 

“Of course, what are friends for? There’s only one problem.”

“What’s that?”

Kuroo shrugged. “I’m not dating anybody.”

“Then ask somebody!” Oikawa snapped, gesturing his hand vaguely at the rest of the cafeteria. 

Kuroo gasped, his expression appalled at the suggestion. “Just ask somebody? Easy for you to say, Casanova, but I am a very picky individual. Not just anyone can satisfy me.”

“So, what you’re saying is that you’re not currently interested in anybody that you can ask.”

“Exactly.”

“I knew it… I _knew_ somehow this was going to be more complicated than it should be.” Oikawa sighed. “Maybe we can just pick someone to pretend to be your significant other.”

“What, you mean like a pretend date?”

“Do you have any other suggestions?”

“Not really, but my acting ability only goes so far. We’d have to pick someone good.”

Oikawa groaned and glanced around the spacious room. He noticed a couple of girls from class, but they were the type to always flirt with him and he didn’t want that happening while he was on a date with another girl. He knew Kuroo was bi, however, so he glanced through the groups of guys as well, but nobody was standing out. 

Nearly resigned to failure, Oikawa turned back in his seat and gasped when the answer was literally sitting right across from him. “What about Sawamura-kun?” he suggested, gesturing his hand next to Kuroo where Sawamura had been sitting throughout the entire conversation, eating his lunch. 

Sawamura lifted his face as he slurped up the last of the noodle hanging from his lips, his eyes big and confused. “Huh?”

“What do you think, Kuroo? Could you pretend to be boyfriends with him?”

“Yeah, that would work,” Kuroo agreed before sipping down the rest of his drink through the straw.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. _And you seemed so picky before… I swear he was doing it just to grate my nerves._

“Wait, what’s going on?” Sawamura asked, glancing between them.

“You’ve been sitting here the whole time. Haven’t you been paying attention?”

“No. Kuroo and I were here first, peacefully eating our lunch. Then you sat down and started a monologue to Kuroo about how he should help you with something. It didn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Here, I got this, Oikawa,” Kuroo said, shifting in his seat to face Sawamura. “The deal is, he keeps striking out with this girl, but she has agreed to go on a date with him _if_ he brings along another couple.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, maybe it seems less committal?”

“Hmm, I would think the scenario of a double date is _more_ committal.”

“You know, that’s a good point. What is Kanai-chan’s true motive with this?”

“Will you get back on track?” Oikawa snapped. “All I want to know is if you’ll pretend to be Kuroo’s date, boyfriend, whatever, and go with us to the restaurant tonight.”

Sawamura nodded slowly as he sorted through all the information. “Who’s paying?” he finally asked, glancing up at Kuroo.

“I believe in a balanced and equal relationship. I’ll pay this time, you get next.”

“Deal,” Sawamura agreed and began poking at the last bits of noodles in his bowl.

“Wait, that’s it? You’ll both do it?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Great! I’ll let her know,” Oikawa said, his mood lifting as he dug his phone out of his pocket. Without glancing up from it, he slipped out of his seat and began walking away. “Thanks, guys, I’ll text you the details in a bit. You won’t regret this!”

The pair watched him as he nearly ran into another couple on his way out of the cafeteria with a gleeful spring in his step. Sawamura chuckled and turned back to Kuroo. “What does he mean we won't regret it? Are we going to get some prize for doing this?”

“We’re _definitely _going to get a prize, Sa’amura.”

“Really? And what’s that?”

Kuroo smirked back at him and slid his arm across the back of his chair. “You and I get to humiliate the shit out of Oikawa on his date.”

Sawamura laughed, almost feeling bad for Oikawa. He was far too excited though to see what sort of ideas Kuroo had up his sleeve.

“You’ve got a plan?”

“I feel like I’ve been planning for this moment my entire life.”

It had been a long time since Oikawa had been so nervous for a date, but that didn’t stop him from looking forward to it. He met Kanai in one of his business courses and he was immediately struck by her ability to remain firm and level-headed in any group discussions. Besides having impressive leadership skills, she was simply fun to talk to, always able to give it back to Oikawa if he sent her any verbal jabs. It was exhilarating. 

Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to take a romantic interest in Oikawa at all. It wasn’t a problem he often had; usually, girls were asking _him_ out on dates. Not that he was full of himself, although he wouldn’t ask Iwa-chan his opinion on _that_, it was just a fact that with his looks and skills, he was extremely popular. 

He wasn’t an idiot either; he knew that showing off and throwing his good points in Kanai’s face would definitely backfire. But most people on campus were aware of his abilities, especially since their team has already won every game so far this season. It could have been that Kanai wasn’t that into sports and hadn’t heard of his abilities, but he knew for a fact that she was on the basketball team and all the different sports teams seemed to know exactly what was going on with the other ones. 

Oh well, she agreed to at least _this _date, so this was his chance to make a good impression. He went through his mental checklist of pre-date procedures: breath check in the hand, hair check in a passing shop window, a quick spread of balm on his lips. With several deep breaths to calm the jitters, he spotted the restaurant sign up ahead. He walked a little faster toward it and paused, seeing a familiar figure coming from the other direction. 

_Shit, she looks so cute_, he thought before his mind blanked out completely. It was cold, sparse flakes of snow fluttering down around them, yet Kanai still managed to look perfect even in a puffy coat. She smiled at him through pursed lips, her cheeks rosy from the chilly air.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“Uh-huh… what?” 

Kanai laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Your mouth is hanging open. You look like a fish.”

Oikawa snapped it shut, feeling his own cheeks grow red from embarrassment. “Sorry, you look beautiful.”

“I haven’t even taken off my coat yet.”

“I doubt that would change anything. Come on, let’s go in. It’s freezing out here.”

“Yeah, it is. You look good too,” she added, rolling her eyes as she stepped through the revolving door of the restaurant. Oikawa scrambled after her, thrown off-kilter by the compliment that didn’t quite sound like one.

“Um, if you don’t think I look good, you don’t have to say anything, Kanai-chan,” he chuckled as he caught up with her.

“Oh, sorry. It’s not that I don't think you look good, you obviously do. It’s just… well, it’s _you_.”

“Something wrong with your eyes?”

“What?”

“They keep rolling around in your head. Is it a syndrome or is this date already failing?”

Kanai laughed in embarrassment and covered her face with her hand. “I’m so sorry, I’m bad at this. You’re just one of those guys, Oikawa, that always look good. It’s almost like a religion for you.”

“I can look bad!”

“Can you?” she asked, peeking above her hand with mischievous eyes. Despite being teased, the look made Oikawa’s heart quicken. 

“Yes, it’s true. Ask Kuroo and Sawamura when they get here, they’ll be honest with you. Too honest, I’m afraid. Oh,” he startled, spotting Sawamura already sitting at a table, looking through a menu. He pointed him out to the host, and they were quickly ushered across the restaurant to where Sawamura was. 

He glanced up as they approached and immediately stood up with his signature, wholesome smile spreading across his face. “Hey, there you are. You must be Kanai-chan. I’m Sawamura Daichi.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you! Wow, you seem so nice and normal,” she laughed as she allowed Oikawa to remove her coat and sat in the seat across from Sawamura. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, being one of Oikawa’s friends.”

“Ouch,” Oikawa muttered as he unbuttoned his own coat. 

Sawamura laughed and shook his head. “Don’t worry, Oikawa’s more down-to-earth than he seems to be. And if he ever isn’t, he has us to drag him back down, kicking and screaming.”

Kanai laughed, and Oikawa wasn’t sure if he was grateful for it. He was starting to have a bad feeling about the entire evening.

“So, where’s Kuroo hiding?”

“He’s on his way. One of his labs had a bit of an emergency, and he stayed behind with several other students to help clean up.”

“Oh my, what’s his major?”

“He’s a chem nerd,” Sawamura explained, his smile deepening enough for the dimples to emerge on his face. His gaze wandered away to the chair next to him where Kuroo would soon be sitting, biting his lip for extra measure.

_Wow, he’s really selling it_, Oikawa though, having a new appreciation for Sawamura’s acting abilities. 

“How long have you two been together?” Kanai asked. Oikawa’s stomach clenched with a fresh bout of nervousness. He wasn’t sure how much Sawamura and Kuroo had prepared. He was beginning to wish he hadn’t insisted they pretend to be together, the whole thing having a huge potential to blow up in his face.

“Ah, that’s a tough question,” Sawamura chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. “I guess since the beginning of the year. We don’t have an exact date for when he started our relationship, the whole thing just sort of happened.”

“Oooh, this sounds like a good story,” she said in a low, excited voice. Oikawa smiled as she leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. 

“I’m not sure how much story there is,” Sawamura explained, playing with the straw in his drink. “We used to be rivals in high school, our teams were _fated _to play each other, and we fought hard to make it to Nationals where we eventually did face-off.”

“Tch.”

“Don’t mind, Oikawa, he’s just mad we had to beat his team to make it there.”

“Well, it was a joy to see Ushiwaka suffer over it.”

“I wouldn’t say he suffered.”

“Stop spoiling it, Sawamura-kun. Let me live in my fantasy. And you, Kanai-chan, are going to give yourself a disorder if you keep rolling your eyes like that.”

“And _you_,” she said, reaching over to pinch the sleeve of his shirt, “need to stop interrupting his romantic story.”

“Who said it was romantic?”

“If it’s the story about how they got together, it’s romantic enough.”

“I feel a desperate need to challenge you on that.”

“Shush,” she commanded, her lips pursing together as he did so. 

Oikawa chuckled but pinched his lips tight obediently and she rewarded him with a radiant smile before turning back to Sawamura.

“Please continue, Sawamura-kun. You were talking about when you were rivals and faced-off on the court.”

“Right, well we ended up beating them as well and moving forward into more competitions. His team stuck around, however, and they were there for us when we finally lost. Tetsu took me aside, teased me a little to cheer me up, but eventually told me that the loss wasn’t my fault. That, as a fellow captain, I had earned his respect.”

Oikawa watched as Sawamura gazed down at the table, tapping his finger on a drop of condensation that had slipped from his glass. It was an amazing performance, even going as far as calling Kuroo _Tetsu_. He had only heard bits and pieces of the story from the pair since they were all on the same team currently. For them to take their actual history and twist it into something more intimate was both genius and a little perplexing.

“I think that’s when things started to shift between us. We weren’t rivals any longer, our time in high school volleyball was at an end. We were equals, lost without a sense of title or purpose, and yet that brought us closer together; to fill the gap left behind. I’m just lucky that we ended up at the same university and volleyball team.”

“And then I came in and swept him off his feet!” Kuroo interjected, presenting himself at the front of the table like some hero out of a tale. Kanai giggled and Oikawa rolled his eyes, expecting Sawamura to do the same. Instead, he seemed to light up at Kuroo’s presence.

“Come on and sit down, you’re just in time. They haven’t even taken our order yet.”

“Great! I hurried, couldn’t wait to see you,” Kuroo murmured as he leaned over Sawamura. “How are you, Snuggy-Bear?”

Oikawa chose the wrong moment to sip his water and began to choke at the nickname. As he dribbled water down his shirt, Kanai patted his back while the other two didn’t even bother to glance at him.

“I’m fine, missed you,” Sawamura replied softly. He lifted his face and Oikawa nearly had a stroke as the two kissed. On the mouth. A cute little peck of lips that looked as natural as an old couple that had been together their entire lives. 

_What the hell?!_

“Mm, you smell good.”

“I showered!” Kuroo announced proudly. “Thought it would be better than smelling like acid and bleach.”

“I’ll take you either way.”

Kuroo’s grin softened and he squeezed Sawamura’s shoulder as he took the seat next to him. “So! This must be Kanai-chan! Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura’s lesser half.”

“Shut up, you’re not lesser.”

“Wow, you guys are so cute!” Kanai gushed. “Sawamura-kun was just telling me about how you two got together. I love how it just happened so naturally!”

“Thanks. It was special,” Kuroo said, a bizarre shyness coming over his expression as he smiled at Sawamura. “I got lucky. Of course, everybody has their own way of getting together, something completely unique to them.”

“Huh, I never thought about it that way before,” she mused. 

The waiter came by at that moment, and Oikawa sighed with relief. He knew he asked the pair to pose as a couple, but he didn’t expect them to overdo it like that. Unfortunately, the sappiness didn’t pause with the waiter’s presence.

Oikawa glared above his menu at the pair, ordering for each other and giggling whenever they spoke in unison. He would have expected this kind of menace from Kuroo, but he felt completely betrayed by Sawamura. Apparently, Karasuno’s ex-captain wasn’t as mature as he first suspected. That or Kuroo was just a terrible influence. He really needed to choose his friends more wisely.

The waiter left their table, and Kuroo shuffled his chair closer to Sawamura’s. His long arm slipped over the back of his chair and Sawamura leaned into him naturally. They both glanced at Oikawa and smiled innocently.

_Shitheads._

“Now it’s your turn!” Kuroo said, nodding at Kanai. “Tell us how you two met.”

“Oh, we’re just in a class together,” she said with a shrug. “Business Ethics.”

Oikawa winced at her nonchalance about it. He was beginning to feel inferior with Kuroo and Sawamura on the other side of the table, with their snuggling and romantic stories. Then he had to remind himself that the bastards were just overacting.

“It’s actually become one of my favorite classes, and it’s probably thanks to her,” he added, and she turned her head sharply to gape at him.

“What? How do I make it better? Is that just a line?”

“No, I mean it! Think about it; the professor isn’t _that_ great, his voice is a little nasally and monotone. Half the students don’t want to be there, but you have this knack for inciting interesting discussions. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if you were the professor. It feels like you care about the subject more than he does.”

“Thanks,” she said softly, a slight smile lifting on her lips. “I _do _care about the subject; I’d like to build my career around it.”

“Really? What direction would you like to take it?” Oikawa asked, giving her his full attention. 

She blinked at his genuine enthusiasm and straightened up in her seat with a burst of pride. “Either consulting or working for one of the government branches. My dad and uncle were in business together, and my uncle sort of screwed him over. It was really difficult for us financially for a while, so, I guess you can say my passion comes from personal experience.”

She startled when she realized how much she shared, a blush forming on her cheeks. Oikawa quickly smiled at her reassuringly.

“I think that makes a lot of sense. Personally, I never thought about it much, but I’d say your passion is infectious. Even the slackers get into it whenever you bring up a good point.”

“Yeah, they do, don’t they?” she laughed, her shoulders relaxing. Oikawa beamed, feeling like things were finally getting on the right track. Then he glanced across the table and wrinkled his nose. Kuroo and Sawamura were watching them with dopey smiles on their faces, their heads close together as they drank from the same glass, different straws.

“Didn’t the waiter bring you your own drinks?”

Kuroo finished his gulp and leaned back from his straw. “Daichi got something different from me and I wanted to try it.”

“And I like sharing with him,” Sawamura added.

“That’s because you expect me to relinquish half of my food to your ravenous appetite.”

“I do not! I’ve never asked you for any of your food.”

“No, you just look up at me with those big, puppy dog eyes. There’s no resisting it.”

“I don’t look at you with…” Sawamura began, the rest of his words turning into nonsensical mumbles as he pouted and stirred the ice in his drink.

Kuroo beamed at him as if he was the most adorable thing he’s ever seen and leaned closer, pressing his lips against his forehead. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Just like that, Sawamura’s pout was gone. He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning closer to nuzzle against Kuroo. There were several more whispers between them, but Oikawa looked away when thought he was going to vomit. Kanai, on the other hand, gazed at them with stars in her eyes.

To his relief, they stopped their intimate whispers and engaged Kanai in more conversation, something Oikawa was able to join in on. He soon realized that it helped to have the pair along; without them it might have been too awkward, considering Kanai’s current opinion of him. It stung a little that she thought he was that shallow, only caring about his looks. He wondered what he could do to prove her wrong.

At least he was learning a bit more about her with their conversations throughout dinner. She was relaxed and laughing, even sometimes at something he said. And when she asked him questions, he did his best to answer honestly, hoping to shatter whatever perspective she had on him before their date. It seemed to be working, her attention more focused on him than the sappy pair sitting across from them.

“Would any of you care for dessert?” the waiter asked once they were finished with their dinner. 

“I’m down if you are,” he said to Kanai, unfolding the menu between them. She smiled and nodded. As she leaned into his side, his heart trilled like hummingbird’s wings, the light citrus scent of her shampoo more alluring than any kind of perfume.

“Ugh, I can’t decide between these two,” Sawamura sighed mournfully.

Oikawa glanced up and cringed at how close they were, Kuroo’s chin perched on Sawamura’s shoulder.

“Are you leaning toward one over the other?” Kuroo asked him, his lips quirking to the side. 

“Maybe this one, but I feel like I might really regret not trying that one.”

“How about this: you get the one you really feel like and I’ll get this one, so you can try it.”

Sawamura gasped and leaned away from Kuroo, so he could look at him properly. “You’d do that for me?”

Kuroo smiled at Sawamura with the purest affection, an expression that Oikawa didn’t know he was capable of. He stroked his long fingers over the back of Sawamura’s hair and nodded. “Of course, I would. It looks good to me too, so don’t feel bad about it, okay?”

Sawamura’s face had a dimpled smile and blush combination. Oikawa was once again flummoxed that he was able to do that. Was he even acting? 

“Oikawa? Did you decide what you want?” Kanai asked, giving him a nudge.

“Oh, sorry. Actually, _that_ looks good,” he said, pointing at the menu.

“That’s what I was going to pick!”

“Great minds think alike!”

They shared a giggle and told the waiter what they wanted, handing him the menu. Kanai flashed him another smile before taking another sip of her drink, and Oikawa felt like things were finally on the right track. Then across from them, Kuroo sighed sympathetically. Oikawa glared at him and found even Sawamura shaking his head, completely unimpressed.

“What’s with you two.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Kuroo asked with a scoff. “If you get the same thing, there’s no reason to share it!”

“Yeah, enjoy eating your dessert… by yourself,” Sawamura added, slurping the remnants of his drink through his straw. 

Oikawa’s mouth dropped open in horror, but Kanai laughed and waved them off. 

“You guys are too funny, but I’m not really into sharing my food.”

“What?!” Kuroo asked, his tone scandalized even though a grin was spreading across his face. “Not even with your _date_?”

“Ha! No, not even a date. My little sister would _always_ eat off my plate and it drove me nuts. Now that I’m out of the house, I am going to enjoy eating my meal and my dessert without anyone mooching off it.”

“Yes!” Oikawa agreed, slamming his hand on the table. “Siblings are the _worst_ at mooching. Even my sister, who was a lot older than me, would steal all my food and treats. She was evil, and there was nothing I could do to stop her.”

“Ugh… sisters.”

“For real,” Oikawa agreed, shooting a triumphant grin in Kuroo and Sawamura’s direction. They didn’t seem troubled by the setback at all, their innocent smiles ever-present on their faces. Oikawa sighed, irritated, but startled when Kanai accidentally bumped her phone off the table.

“Oh no!”

“It’s okay, it landed on the case. I’ll get it,” Oikawa offered and bent down between them to pick it up. It did look okay, and with a quick dust-off, he began to sit up. Then he glanced across from them and paused, seeing Kuroo and Sawamura’s hands clasped together, resting on Kuroo’s knee. 

He gaped at the sight, watching as Kuroo’s thumb grazed over Sawamura’s. His confusion over the sight was so great, his temple began to throb with a sudden headache. He could understand the pet names, the chaste kisses, and all the ridiculous flirting, but this was different. Kanai couldn’t see the pair holding hands underneath the table.

“Oikawa? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Sorry, your phone is fine,” he said, straightening up. He handed it over to her and eyed the pair across from him suspiciously. From there, it didn’t even look like they were holding hands.

“What’s the matter?” Kuroo asked, his amusement and curiosity genuine.

“You two are holding hands.”

“Huh?”

“Under the table, you’re holding hands.”

Kuroo’s eyebrows raised up and Sawamura frowned.

“What’s wrong with us holding hands?”

“I—” he started and paused, glancing next to him where Kanai was also waiting for his response. “Nothing’s wrong with it! I’m just surprised, you two never seemed like such a lovey-dovey couple before.”

“Really?” Kanai asked before the other two could respond. “You two aren’t usually like this?”

“Well, we don’t usually drag Oikawa with us on our dates,” Kuroo explained, chuckling. “The guy is used to us from volleyball, where we’re more focused. Occasionally, we’ll all hang out together, but it’s not exactly a date-like atmosphere, you know?”

“Exactly,” Sawamura agreed. “If we’re all three hanging out, we don’t want Oikawa to feel excluded. Nobody likes being the third wheel.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet of you guys.”

“Yeah, they are _such_ good friends,” Oikawa agreed through clenched teeth. This time, Sawamura had to pinch his mouth shut as he started to snicker, covering the sound up with a cough. He avoided meeting Oikawa’s eye when the waiter arrived with their various desserts. 

Oikawa sighed, knowing he was in for another disgusting display of PDA.

He wasn’t sure if it made it better or worse, knowing that they were just messing around. If Kuroo and Sawamura were actually in love, he could understand the touching and everything, but they were just friends. He never once suspected Kuroo was closer to Sawamura than Oikawa was, both being rivals to him from different schools. But he couldn’t imagine behaving like that with Sawamura, not in a million years. Either he underestimated Kuroo and Sawamura’s friendship, or he underestimated how far those two would go to make him suffer.

As he suspected, the pair melded together, Kuroo’s arm wrapped around Sawamura’s shoulders as he offered a spoonful of his dessert. Sawamura smiled excitedly and snatched the spoon with his mouth, closing his eyes and moaning as he drew back from it.

“That’s amazing! I’ll have to get that next time.”

“I’m glad you like it! Let me try some,” Kuroo said, taking another chunk from the dessert and sticking it in his own mouth, from the same spoon Sawamura had eaten from. Sawamura chuckled as Kuroo pretended to orgasm from the delicious taste of it. “Amazing. How’s yours?”

“Oh! Here,” Sawamura said, picking up his own spoon and taking some of his, offering it to Kuroo before he had even tried it. Suddenly Sawamura’s smile slipped away, his eyes growing large and surprised. Oikawa frowned, not understanding why his expression would have changed so much. Even Sawamura’s cheeks were brightening, and all he could see was Kuroo leering at him with one arm stretched around Sawamura’s back. It was only then that Oikawa spotted Kuroo’s other arm, disappearing under the table but obviously reaching toward Sawamura. 

Curious, Oikawa peeked underneath the table and squeaked when he saw Kuroo’s hand sliding up Sawamura’s inner thigh. He coughed to cover up the humiliating noise and his own blushing face, quickly picking up his spoon to take a bite of his dessert.

“You okay?” Kanai asked with a giggle. She was almost completely turned toward Oikawa as she ate, her knee brushing against his when she crossed her legs.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he whispered, turning a bit in his seat to face her more as well. “I’m sorry about them. I hope they’re not making you uncomfortable.”

“No! Not at all! They are _extremely_ affectionate,” she whispered with a quiet laugh. “I’m not much into PDA myself, but I appreciate that they’re so obviously in love and aren’t afraid to show it. It’s refreshing.”

“Yeah…” Oikawa smiled at her and focused on finishing his dessert. He was starting to feel guilty that he was deceiving her. The thought didn’t even occur to him that he was, considering it was Kuroo and Sawamura faking their relationship and it didn’t have anything to do with him. But it did since he asked them to do it. And they were surprisingly convincing at it. 

Kanai wasn’t just any girl that he wanted to date. She was real and fascinating; the kind of person he could know for years and still be interested in what was going on in her head. Starting their relationship off with a deception wasn’t the right thing to do at all. Perhaps she was right, and he really was a big phony.

“So, tell me more about volleyball,” she murmured, still trying not to glance at the other side of the table where a lot of giggling and moaning was occurring. “I have to admit, I don’t know much about it.”

Oikawa perked up immediately. “Volleyball’s amazing! I’m sure you understand this, playing basketball, but it’s all about the team, the six players on your side of the court. Together you form this unit, everyone with their specialties, and keep the ball from hitting your side.”

“Yes! I love being part of a cohesive team, although I haven’t continued basketball since graduating high school. What position do you play?”

“I’m the setter, which means that I’m one of the key strategists during the play. Whoever receives first sends it to me, and then I send it to someone else to try to spike it down.”

“Does a lot of thought go into that?”

“A lot! For example…” Oikawa continued with his explanation, demonstrating with his fingers and occasionally moving the salt and pepper shakers around on the table, pretending they were players. To her credit, Kanai didn’t seem confused or bored while he went on and on. She only interrupted to ask good questions, sending him off on another tangent with his enthusiasm bubbling over. It wasn’t until she had finished her dessert and snuck a spoonful of his that he stopped his oral dissertation on volleyball.

“Hey, you thief!”

Kanai shrugged, looking extremely pleased with herself. “You were taking too long to eat it.”

“Well, now you owe me for that,” he teased, daring to stretch his arm across the back of her chair and smirk at her. 

She giggled and leaned closer. “Oh yeah? How can I repay such an infraction?”

“Hmm, perhaps another date? One without the revolting couple accompanying us?”

Kanai hummed, tapping her spoon against her lips. “I’ll have to think about that.”

“Tease.”

“Desperate,” she shot back and laughed when Oikawa gasped with mock offense. He turned his face away with a huff and slid his plate further away from her, making a big show of taking the last bite of his dessert. As she snickered and bumped him playfully, he couldn’t hold back a smile. Things seemed to be going better than he expected. 

“Here you go,” the waiter said, catching Oikawa’s attention. He was handing Kuroo the check, who handed it right back with his card. Oikawa was still confused when the waiter glanced his way. “Would you like the check as well?”

“Uh, sure. Unless you wanted something else, Kanai-chan?”

“No, I’m good,” she said, and Oikawa nodded to the waiter. Kanai seemed just as perplexed as he did as she cocked her head at the other couple. “Are you two leaving already?” 

Sawamura smiled apologetically as he started to slip on his coat. “Yeah, sorry. We’re a little tired.”

“See, Kanai-chan, not sure if you knew this or not, but Oikawa and I are roommates. So, we thought while he’s preoccupied with you, we’d get a head start, sneak in a little private time before the old boy comes home,” Kuroo said, giving her a wink. “Keep him as long as you want!”

“Wait a minute, you two aren’t going to be naked or anything when I walk in, are you?!”

“Who knows? I’ll text you if things get really spicy.”

“How about you don’t get sexy at all? Think you can keep it in your pants for an evening?”

“For an evening? I never get the chance to have the room all to myself,” Kuroo said with a pout.

“What’s wrong with Sawamura-kun’s room?”

Sawamura shrugged. “I have a roommate too. He never goes out, a bit of a hermit.”

Oikawa groaned and rubbed his fingers across his throbbing forehead. It eased a little when he felt Kanai’s hand press against his back.

“It’s okay, you guys go have a good time. I’ll keep him busy for a little while.”

It took a moment for Kanai’s words to sink in but when they did, his head shot up with his eyes large and hopeful. If he had been born with a tail, it would have been wagging furiously.

“Yeah?! What are we going to do?”

“Easy!” she laughed, sliding her hand to his chest and giving him a gentle push. “It’s not like we’re going to go make-out on a park bench.”

“Oh, that’s not exactly where my mind was going. I’m just happy to keep hanging out with you,” Oikawa admitted with a nervous chuckle. Kanai beamed at him but quickly turned back to Kuroo and Sawamura, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“It was so nice to meet you both. I hope we can do this again sometime!”

“That would be great! Maybe next time we can do karaoke and sing some love tunes,” Kuroo suggested, giving her a wink as his arm found its place around Sawamura’s shoulders.

“Yes, I’d love that!”

“You two have fun. Text us, Oikawa, when you’re on your way back,” Sawamura said with a smirk. He laughed when Oikawa gave him a glare in response and turned away, his arm slipping around Kuroo’s waist. They remained like that the whole walk out of the restaurant and down the sidewalk, laughing together when they walked by the large front window. 

Oikawa sighed, relieved that they were finally gone. “So, that was Kuroo and Sawamura,” he said with a soft laugh as he turned back to Kanai. 

“I really liked them! Are all your friends like that?”

“Assholes who live to make me suffer? No, not all— wait… yup, all of them are assholes. I guess I’m a bit of a masochist.”

Kanai laughed so hard that she let out a little snort as she tried to breathe through it, her cheeks brightening a little as she did so. She cleared her throat and smoothed down her outfit, trying to regain what dignity she could. It was adorable and it soothed any of disgusted vibes remaining from Kuroo and Sawamura’s little love display.

“I’m glad you have friends like that. It was one reason I wanted you to bring them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I knew you from class, but I didn’t know you very well. Seeing what kind of people your friends were, how they treated you, how you treat them, it says a lot about a person. I’ve known so many good-looking jocks who were so full of themselves, treating friends like minions who were there just to serve them and flatter them. Knowing that your friends have no problem making you suffer and when they do, you won’t abandon them, it’s one of the greatest testaments to your character that I could have. So... want to get out of here?” she asked with a flirtatious grin. In her eyes, however, was a whisper of nervousness. As if he’d say no.

“I’d love to,” he said immediately, grinning from ear to ear. “What did you have in mind?”

Naturally, they didn’t end up on a park bench to make out; it was freezing outside. Instead, they walked in and out of shops, picking out clothes and accessories for each other that were obviously not their style. By the time they walked back onto campus, they had each bought each other one small cringe-worthy _gift_ and had hundreds of pictures on their phone to use for future blackmail. 

While they walked, Kanai had her arm slipped through his. Despite the height difference, their natural pace matched well, and it felt good to have her snuggled up next to him. Kanai seemed to enjoy it as well, occasionally resting her cheek on his shoulder whenever she shivered from the cold.

When they suddenly arrived in front of Kanai’s dorm room, however, Oikawa’s body slouched with disappointment. She laughed at his pout as she removed her arm from his, needing to fish her keys from her purse. When she removed them, she hesitated to slip her key in, fiddling with it in her fingers instead.

“Listen, I know I kind of came into this date with a bad attitude, and I’m sorry about that. But honestly, I ended up having an awesome time.”

Oikawa laughed and scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I was worried at first, but I’m happy you had fun. So did I. Can I call you again?”

Kanai brightened and nodded her head enthusiastically. “Yes! I’d like that. Um, see you soon,” she said quickly and lifted herself on her toes. Oikawa gasped softly as her lips brushed against his cheek, his skin tingling from her warm breath. When she dropped back down, he only got a quick glimpse of her blushing face before she whirled around to face the door. She unlocked it in a flash and shouted, “Thanks, bye!” before bolting inside with a giggle.

“Bye,” he answered after a moment to a closed door, feeling as though his spirit was slipping out of his body and into the clouds. With a hum, he pivoted on his feet and wandered down the hallway, hands in his coat pockets and a bounce in his step. Whatever he had to suffer at the beginning of the night, it was all forgotten as he skipped through campus to his own dorm. Which was why he all but forgot about Kuroo and Sawamura altogether.

He whistled all the way down the hallway, checking the time on his phone. It wasn’t too late, which was good because with how excited he was, there was no way he would be going to sleep any time soon. He was wondering if he ever needed to sleep again; no amount of energy drinks or workouts could invigorate him as Kanai’s smile could. 

Waving at one of his teammates further down the hall, Oikawa tried the doorknob to see if Kuroo had left it unlocked for him and turned it easily. Happy he didn’t need to pull out his key, he wrenched the door open and hopped inside. He froze in horror as he watched Kuroo’s tongue enter Sawamura’s mouth with a moan, his hand disappearing inside the back of his pants.

“Um, excuse me?!” Oikawa shrieked, taking off his shoe and pelting it at the pair entwined together on Kuroo’s bed. 

“Ouch, what was that for?” Kuroo asked as he peeled himself off Sawamura and threw Oikawa’s shoe back at him.

“What the hell are you two doing?!”

“I think that should be obvious,” Sawamura chuckled as he sat up. “Are you so out of practice with dating that you need some help figuring this out?”

“Oh shit!” Kuroo cackled, diving back onto the bed to wrap himself around Sawamura.

“Ugh, you guys, seriously!” Oikawa slammed the door shut and stomped across the room to sit forcefully on his bed. “You were like this the entire night. Are you guys actually dating or what?”

“Um, that’s an excellent question,” Sawamura said, scratching the back of his head. “I think somewhere at the start of our fake date, we stopped acting and just kind of went with it.”

“You were so cute anytime you started blushing,” Kuroo whined, nuzzling into Sawamura’s back. “I guess we have you to thank, Oikawa, for opening our eyes.”

“Wait, so you two _were_ just friends this morning, right?”

“Yup.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think of him as more than a friend.”

“Although I did always consider you very attractive.”

“Aw, babe! I definitely checked you out on occasion.”

“Really?”

“Would I lie to you?”

“Ugh, stop! This is so weird,” Oikawa groaned, rubbing his face in frustration. “So, this morning you were just friends and now you’re dating. How?”

“Wait, Oikawa, I think you’re not grasping the whole picture here.” Kuroo cleared his throat as he straightened up. “When you asked us to go on this date with you, Sawamura and I ditched a couple of classes to practice. Meaning, we came back here and did _a lot_ of things friends don’t usually do. By the time we got to the date, I think we really ramped up a lot of feelings that weren’t there before.”

“Exactly,” Sawamura added. “Sometimes you don’t really realize what you could have with somebody until you actually give it a chance. Speaking of which, how did it go with Kanai-chan?”

Oikawa smiled, the mention of her name shoving away his livid confusion. “It went well! We had fun the rest of the evening, and when we said goodnight, she kissed my cheek.”

“Aww, that’s sweet.”

“Nice! Did you get that second date?”

“I asked if I could call her again and she said yes!” Oikawa’s elation dropped as the pair winced in unison. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“That's… not exactly a second date,” Kuroo explained.

“Yeah, you should have made it official.”

“No, she said that I could call her!”

“And she doesn’t have to answer. She could let it go to voicemail every time if she wanted to.”

“She’s not going to do that! Ugh, you guys are such assholes. I was so happy until I came here.”

Kuroo and Sawamura’s sympathetic facades finally broke, crumbling under their laughter.

“We really should let up on him now. We’ve put him through enough.”

“Fine, fine. Oikawa, I think Kanai-chan really likes you, and I’m sure you’ll get that second date. Now, would you like to watch a movie with us? It was our original plan before we started kissing.”

“Yes, I would,” Oikawa huffed, standing up to finally remove his coat. “As long as you guys don’t start making out in front of me.”

“We won’t, but there will be snuggling.”

Oikawa groaned but didn’t argue, stripping off his nice clothes in lieu of something more comfortable. While he changed, he listened to Kuroo and Sawamura bicker about what they were going to watch. His mind was still reeling from the sudden change in their relationship, although it made more sense considering how intimate they were on the date. Even if they were overdoing their acting for his discomfort, there was no reason for Kuroo to stroke Sawamura’s thigh. 

Eventually, they did pick a movie, Oikawa being the tiebreaker, and settled into their respective beds with the lights off. For the first time the entire day, Kuroo and Sawamura were on their best behavior and allowed Oikawa to enjoy the movie. At one point, curiosity overcame him, and he glanced across the room at the pair. 

Kuroo was leaned back on his pillows, his legs stretched out with Sawamura nestled between them. His head was leaning against Kuroo’s chest with Kuroo’s arms wrapped around his body, and they seemed as comfortable as a couple that had been dating for years. He found himself staring at them for a while, watching as Kuroo tightened his grip around him and planted a kiss against Sawamura’s head. At that angle, Kuroo couldn’t see Sawamura’s expression, but Oikawa could. Sawamura’s smile was deep and content, his eyes warm as they stared the screen without actually watching what was happening. 

Oikawa looked away, smiling to himself. Figures that he would have so much trouble dating and those two would fall into it accidentally. It sounded nice, a relationship beginning in such an easy way, but he felt no jealousy over it. Kuroo’s words from earlier echoed in his mind, about everyone’s story being unique to them. They had their own weirdness, and he knew that he knew that soon, he and Kanai-chan would have something special of their own.

**Author's Note:**

> Usually, I get restless just writing one ship for a while, so I need a little kurodai break with a side of tortured Oikawa, ha ha ha. And the title definitely came from Emperor's New Groove. I kept picturing Oikawa scratching out a picture of Kurodai being soft with each other, pfft.


End file.
